Home » reality » You’re Fired! Well, maybe not…

You’re Fired! Well, maybe not…

The other day, Dad essentially fired me. It was an ugly scene. One sister and my BIL were there also; my sister tried to mediate, but her best efforts failed. Dad’s delusional state has made us all into something that we aren’t, and dealing with this now is difficult (while dealing with this ugliness after all this is said and done will probably be a different kind of difficult).

Dad worked hard to find any and all ways to say hurtful things, but the critical part was his refusal to work with me in order to help himself. He wouldn’t even sign the VA paperwork to request a copy of his discharge papers for his application for benefits. If I can’t get him to do even that, then I’m just punishing myself by engaging. As I told him, Mom may not have a choice about taking his abuse, but I do.

I was actually hugely relieved to be fired. But today I went back down the rabbit hole, as Dad asked me to come back and look at some VA application information.

I didn’t want to go, but I did, and arranged for my other sister to be there – I don’t go over there alone anymore, Dad is too mean when he has me alone. What I found is that he wanted things done by tomorrow, and done his way. “His way” basically means the wrong way, and he doesn’t trust anything anyone else says. I gave him the choice of letting me take it home and work on it (having it ready by next week), or leaving it there and he handles it all on his own. He chose to do it on his own, so I am fired again. Yay???

From our research, and the previous discussion with the lawyer, Dad won’t yet qualify for any VA benefits, so the delay in the application is of no consequence financially. Since he won’t listen to us, I’m letting him win this one, which turns out to be a win for me too 😉

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2 thoughts on “You’re Fired! Well, maybe not…

  1. I saw your comment on norcalmom who is dealing with being a beginning caregiver. I liked your comments – no one ever gives any sympathy to the caregiver. A caregiver does totally lose their normal life. I posted a blog post, just minutes ago, for this young woman telling her what happens on this caregiver journey. It is one of the hardest journeys I have ever endured. I understand your frustrations about your Dad. My father was so mean and hateful a lot of his life. He was verbally abusive to my Mother. My Mother died after Dad, but she died in a nursing home with dementia. My love to you for having to deal with the stress your father puts you through.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks dizzylizzy, I just now had a chance to sit down and read your blog post. I think it’s excellent, and I think those things are really important to say out loud to others during this process. The first book I read on this topic promoted completely the opposite reality, and I was very angry after I read it – it’s nice to read some truths. A friend at work said it took him about two years after for the angry thoughts to be replaced by the better memories, so I’m remembering to understand along the way that I”m only human!

      Liked by 1 person

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