Home » caregiving » So, who’s in charge here?

So, who’s in charge here?

Mom comes home from the rehab center today – it’s the last day that insurance will authorize.  I guess they call it a Care Center now.  For Mom, it was some much needed rest and recuperation, getting appropriate medication and nutrition, and someone to care for her personal hygiene.  What a huge difference it has made for her.

Dad is her official caretaker, and Dad is of course “in charge”.  He has us three daughters that live locally, and each of us has our own strengths which he could utilize, but he doesn’t, because he can’t.  And I don’t know how much of that “can’t” is actually that he won’t.  We have been blocked at every attempt to help make their lives better, so we are at the point where we must step back, because we can’t do it anymore, and have all been stretched to our limit, and in some cases beyond.

I’m feeling awfully guilty that Mom is returning home to only Dad, I won’t be there today when she is brought home, but Dad has effectively tied our hands.  Parkinson’s is a cruel disease, like so many of the neuro-degenerative diseases out there.  Heck, like so many of the chronic diseases, period.  His feet aren’t the only things that get stuck and can’t move, but the same is true for his mind.  He has always had this tendency, but now it’s front and center, and it is hurting those around him.  Mom suffers uniquely from his incapacities 😦 .   He is unable to provide medication on a proper schedule and to feed regularly, nor provide proper hygiene.  Nor is he willing to bring in help, unless someone does it at no cost to him.   There is no reasoning with him – he cannot process thoughts or emotions, he is stuck, and the place where he is stuck is not a good one.

Mom will come home, she will not be cared for properly, and for my own health and well-being, I have to step back, and all of that leaves me heart sick.

So, who really is in charge here?  It really isn’t Dad, it’s a ship without a captain, heading on a collision course, and the only question is, “When will the fatal collision be that changes everything, forever?”.

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2 thoughts on “So, who’s in charge here?

  1. I am so sorry for your difficult path. If your family is worried about her care, can you talk to social services and see if they can make an assessment? They can do it without identifying you as the reporter. Just a thought. I know it would be a difficult decision to make.

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  2. Thank you norcalmom for your support. We have been in contact with some social workers. Last year we invited Adult Protective Services in, and the rehab facility has notified them again. I hope this time we make more progress in getting them the help that they need.

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